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Thinking about how I want to renovate this blog and hoping I dont make this my new obsessive project3/12/2021 Idk what this is... I think this is what my therapist says about taking better care of myself ?3/12/2021 You remember Julie right? Didn’t post many if any photos of her back in the day but she’s a high school friend. She moved back from Canada this year and we have Chipotle dates on Wednesdays! Funny thing is that it started Tuesdays as a Study Day at a Coffee Shop and then moved to Friday’s. Now the only time we can do is Wednesday for just the Chipotle part of that Study Day. It’s ok, even when we did do Study Days it ended up being more of a talking and catching up time hahahaha we would eat outside even when it was brick because they didn’t allow indoor dining. Today was the first day we got to eat inside Chipotle! It felt kinda normal again because able to eat inside with no mask. Moments like those you almost forget the world we’re living in. Then, after two hours they told us to “make room for other customers” even though no one else even showed interest in sitting and we weren’t the only people who could sit at the table. People really been on my nerves lately. Like if that’s a rule... put a sign, let us know, don’t just be coming at us with that kinda energy damn. Anyways... it was a nice experience and hoping that they can continue to happen slowly, surely, and safely :-)
🥰 Rio is the white cat and Oli is the brown one. Oli is the first born, my little Taurus baby ❤️ Rio, my Scorpio baby, was with my sister for the holidays where I went to California (whole other story). Oli was with her too but then came back to my place, whereas Rio stayed longer with my sister at her college dorm. They grew a bond and I think the separation helped Rio become more affectionate (he used to not let me pet him, only the tail) and Oli became more comfortable taking up space (he lets me hold him indefinitely now!) because he used to never play or eat and would cower away. It’s hard being the oldest because you feel like the love you received has shifted even though, like in Boss Baby, you learn that love isn’t something that there is a total of and divisible... it expands the more you learn to love... Oli always gets territorial when he comes to a new environment and hisses at Rio. They used to cuddle all the time and this is the longest it’s been since I’ve seen them cuddle. Even though Rio is very personal space oriented, he is definitely more connection seeking. He LOVES Oli, and I think it’s hard when he’s being pushed away but Oli needs his space. Look at me projecting onto my cats as always. I always think they’re some kinda representation of me and sister and I’m... that’s right... my dad! Trying to figure who is who but I think Mail and Rio have always understood something about each other and I’m not sure if it’s cuz Rio is more like her or because he’s more like me and she’s used to that kinda yin yang vibe. Either way, it always makes me happy when they bond and it’s even sweeter when I’m next to them and enjoying family bonding with them. I’m currently on the couch with the next to me and it’s my happy place. I hold on my bladder just to soak in the experience while it lasts. Now I just wish Rio would stop peeing on his cat tree 😭...
I’m back again again again again... and it’s 2021... here are some updates (Summer 2020-present)3/9/2021 Hey y’all :) I know I always say I’m back but this time imma try and keep at it... it’s difficult to kinda keep everything up to date, as in I have my diary, this blog, and now all my bullet journals. I do miss posting on here though because I feel like it’s my own private time capsule. These photos kinda helped me realize how much things have changed over the past almost 3 years! Last time I posted I think I was a junior in college. Now I’m turning 24 and in graduate school. I think it’s amazing that I kinda always never changed and went for my dream, being an art therapist... I look back and want to say I’ve learned so much and endured just as much. I loved deeply and lost just as deeply. I had to learn about boundaries and trusting in others and myself. I feel like I have gotten somewhere different even though I’m still the same old weird and fucked up me. I’m in Brooklyn now, living on my own with my two cats Oli and Rio. They’re my everything. I didn’t know I was able to love this much and care so much. Yeah I live alone so you can only imagine how freeing but also kinda chaotic it is. I feel like I’ve finally been able to settle and build roots and experience peace in this turbulent world, of course there's still so much guilt I had to navigate too. I’m currently working as an intern 17 hours a week, along with going to classes... oh also I have a YouTube channel now for the Sims with almost 4K subs and that’s actually making an income :) when I look at it this way... things really are getting better. Yeah there’s the pandemic too... but hey, I think even that has taught me so much...
Think of it this way... last time we talked I would literally hold onto the idea of this happening and that’s what got me by. You wanna believe there’s something better and something to keep going for, and sometimes in the back of your mind you’re afraid that maybe there isn’t really a light at the end of the tunnel, but there is, it just may not be what you thought. I guess I can go further into these thoughts later but I just wanted to give you a lil update. I hope to whoever reads this, you can see growth and hopefully it gives you some inspiration or motivation or hope to just keep going as well! But I must say, getting her wasn't easy. You don't get here overnight and without losing it a few times... you have to keep trying and keep going everyday if you expect a change or to reach some kind of silver lining. Of course you also need to take a sec to allow yourself to recharge, to heal, to take a break, that's part of the journey too and learning how and when and that that you're worth self-compassion. You do your best and the rest will grant you what you deserve. hey guys I’m back! I know it’s been a while (again) but this time I’m thinking it’ll be better. I’ve changed a lot during the time I’ve been gone. I guess I’m still the same old lena but Iv had to deal with a lot... here I’ll be posting more thoughtful things. Though I’ll still be posting same old updates too. Here’s to a new beginning!
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Timeline
March 2021
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